Patrick, I do not pretend to understand the arcane machinations behind my TikTok algorithm, but lately it has been delivering me video after video of people sailing the world in a nine-month cruise. They are all on the same cruise and there is the same quiet desperation behind each of their vacant gazes. What is happening?
What is HAPPENING, Michael, is essentially a social experiment being broadcast in real time, and some of us absolutely cannot get enough of it.
The Royal Caribbean Ultimate World Cruise is a nine-month cruise taking place on a ship called the Serenade of the Seas, which aims to travel to more than 60 countries across all seven continents – and which is being advertised as the world’s longest cruise. We don’t know the official number of passengers on board, though one TikToker reports that it’s around 1,000. Most are just normal cruise types, but some began documenting it on TikTok – basically just explaining what they do in a day, and showing their viewers the rooms, the meals, the other passengers – and despite that sounding like the worst reality television premise you’ve ever heard, it started going mega viral.
Two months in and we now have a boat full of influencers who are trapped together on the high seas: a place where people famously love to go mad and get obsessed with hunting huge sexy whales. Nothing much has really happened yet, but it’s a perfect recipe for disaster; a guarantee of a horrible mari-time.
How did this start? And who are the main characters?
Like most things on TikTok (Bama Rush, sea shanties) we will never know the exact science behind how it became a massive phenomenon – but one of the first passengers to go viral was @angielinderman, who posted a video explaining that she decided to join the cruise after both her parents died of cancer. She found out she also had an elevated risk of cancer, she says, so she spent her inheritance on a cruise ticket. She now has almost 180,000 followers.
Most of the content is day-in-the-life style videos and confessionals, like the TikToks made by sisters @swankalamode and @iambrandeelake (who have close to 300,000 followers between them) as well as South African creator @amike_oosthuizen (275,000 followers), who was already an influencer before the cruise. There’s also @little_rat_brain (139,000 followers), an anonymous passenger who makes short comedy skits on board, as well as smaller accounts such as @singing.sailor, a crew member working as a performer and posting to his 7,000 followers.
Being on board a boat for nine months sounds like an antiquated punishment. But people are actually paying for this right?
Yes, and it is NOT CHEAP. People can opt to join any part of the tour, or stay for the whole thing; the cheapest option for the whole nine months starts at $US59,999 per person – and goes all the way up to $US117,999. One couple, who self-describe as a “cruise mum and dad”, started an account while on board called @SpendingOurKidsMoney. They’ve accrued close to 90,000 followers.
But the interesting thing is how … janky it all looks. A lot of the facilities are giving university dorm common room. In fact, after the cruise started to blow up, TikTok influencer Marc Sebastian begged to be sent on board, and was finally sponsored by a publishing company to go on for 18 nights. His review? “I hate it here.”
He captioned a video touring his room by writing: “For 18 nights? fine. But for 9 months? No can do babe.”
He also claimed the showers are small with inconsistent hot water, the travel excursions to see penguins are often cancelled, and there’s music blaring everywhere, constantly. Nightmare.
So to reiterate: currently on board is a dubious melange of old, rich cruisers, digital nomads, and influencers, which is almost exactly the plot of Triangle of Sadness. Has there been any actual drama so far?
No, but everyone is prepared for it. It’s like we’re in the opening scenes of the disaster movie at the moment, where everyone is still bright and happy, we’re meeting all the characters, and scientists keep finding weird things that nobody is paying attention to.
We have had a lot of gossip however, which could turn into real drama – one account claimed that a passenger has Covid and is in fact hiding it, which could lead to another Ruby Princess style plague vessel.
Another recent video is sharing a rumour that the cruise could be ending much sooner than anticipated, due to conflicts in the Middle East – however a representative from Royal Caribbean confirmed that the plan is to continue the trip as scheduled.
Of course a lack of anything big happening hasn’t stopped an entire ecosystem of gossip, commentary and criticism from TikTok users marooned on the land. The people on board have become characters in a soap opera, and those watching are writing the storylines.
It very much feels like getting halfway through a season of Real Housewives when nothing is happening but everyone is talking in pointed whispers as if something is happening. Why are we still so invested?
I’d guess it’s a combo of factors. There’s something truly intoxicating about watching rich people eat it while trapped on big boats – think Below Deck and Triangle of Sadness – and big boats themselves have become main characters in the wake of Covid cruises and that one that got stuck.
On top of that, people are sick of how curated and produced reality TV is these days, and there’s potential for real and true chaos on this trip. It’s like putting a bunch of bats and spiders and eggs and fireworks into a box and shaking it. Something will happen. And we’ll be watching.
