If you’re a nostalgia fetishist of a certain persuasion, the news couldn’t come any more gift-wrapped: Steve Guttenberg will soon be sharing a screen with The Rock. I mean, imagine. One one hand, there’s the star of some of the most beloved films of the 1980s; a man who all but dropped off the map after 3 Men and a Little Lady. On the other, the only living actor capable of making the sort of big dumb one-man-army action flicks that the 80s seemingly churned out on a weekly basis. Any way you look at it, it’s a match made in heaven.

OK, fine. Any way but one. Even though Guttenberg is currently best known for the bananas SyFy movie franchise Lavalanchula – in which a volcanic eruption spews out millions of giant fire-breathing spiders, obviously – and even though The Rock perpetually seems moments away from making exactly that sort of film, they’ll actually team up on Ballers. That’s right, the low-stakes HBO series where nothing happens and nobody cares. Guttenberg will apparently be playing a Trumpish billionaire figure, but forget that because you won’t be watching. As everyone knows, life is too short to develop an emotional investment in Ballers.

However, while it may be a wasted opportunity for us, it’s great news for Steve Guttenberg. Peak TV is now peaking so hard that it has to bring in semi-forgotten cult actors to shore up its credentials. And hopefully Guttenberg will just be the start. Here’s a wishlist of other faded 1980s icons and the shows they should appear on.

Alan Ruck, Better Call Saul

At its heart, Better Call Saul is a television programme about the messy, complicated, affectionate and resentful relationship between two brothers. But ask yourself this: what if there were three brothers? And what if the third brother – the long-lost middle brother – was played by Cameron from Ferris Bueller? Alan Ruck is 60 now, and he’s endured more than enough disappointment to bring the overlooked McGill brother to life. Obviously he’d have to die at some point for the sake of continuity, but that’s no problem.

Christopher Lambert, The Walking Dead

Tarzan. Highlander. Mortal Kombat. Highlander II: The Quickening. All films that required grit and graft. All films that have overshadowed his other work, including his recent turn with the Coen brothers. Who better to play a battered, grizzled apocalyptic survivor on The Walking Dead. A mysterious stranger from a distant land who enters shrouded in fog and gets everyone killed because they can’t quite work out what he’s saying. Perfect.

James Tolkan, Transparent

Transparent has come in for some bashing of late since, despite being billed as a comedy, it is now almost completely mournful in tone. So here’s an idea: let’s gee things up by bringing in James Tolkan to play an amalgam of the aggressive busybodies he played in War Games, Back to the Future, Top Gun and Masters of the Universe. “PFEFFERMAN!” he’d yell at the young transgender actor Sophia Grace Gianna during another morose 1958 flashback episode. “I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO KILL THESE GOPHERS WITH A SHOVEL!” As Gianna looks wistfully into the middle distance, Tolkan’s cigar explodes and everything is as it should be again.

Michael Winslow, Game of Thrones

Game of Thrones is expensive to make. So let’s save money by drafting in Police Academy’s one-man orchestra Michael Winslow as a recurring cast member. He could walk next to Jon Snow, making horse noises. He could hide behind Daenerys Targaryen’s throne, making dragon noises. I seem to recall he’s quite good at doing a broken walkie-talkie noise, so let’s have him do that at some point too.

Gary Busey, Legion

The good news is that Legion is such a kaleidoscope of tics and flourishes and non-sequiturs – lest we forget the sight of Jemaine Clement dancing in his cellophane palace inside an astral plane – that nobody would bat an eyelid if Gary Busey turned up for a couple of episodes. Even if he just walked across frame, asking if anyone had seen his slippers, he’d fit right in. The bad news is that, as with everything Gary Busey has ever done, everyone would probably prefer it if his role was taken by Nick Nolte.

Ally Sheedy, The Americans

Let’s look at the facts for a moment. The Americans is a show set in the 1980s, which was Ally Sheedy’s most successful decade. The Americans is about spies, and Ally Sheedy has one of those faces where you think you recognise her, but you can’t be sure if it’s from films or from the lamp shop around the corner. The Americans has a lot of wigs in it, and my assumption is that Ally Sheedy has the bone structure to carry off a number of different looks. Also Ally Sheedy is brilliant.