James Walsh 

Licence to quip: match the action hero wisecrack to the villain’s sticky end

With Expendables 3 burning up the multiplexes, test your knowledge of action movie death quips
  
  


  1. Sean Connery in Goldfinger: “Shocking.”

    1. Thrown a man into a pit of electric eels

    2. Punched a man on to a live rail on the London Underground

    3. Hurled a man dressed as a ghost off a cliff

    4. Thrown an electric fan into a bath the man had fallen into

  2. Arnold Schwarzenegger in Running Man: “He had to split”

    1. Set off a nuclear explosion at a research facility, with the contestant trapped inside

    2. Tricked fellow contestant into the path of a giant laser

    3. Sawn a fellow contestant in half with his own chainsaw

    4. Dropped 50 tonnes of bananas on a fellow contestant’s head

  3. Jean-Claude Van-Damme in Time Cop: “I guess I should have told him to ‘Freeze’”

    1. Thrown a guy into a time capsule set for the year 5000

    2. Kicked a guy into liquid nitrogen

    3. Encased a guy in a giant iceberg

    4. Shot a guy in the back as he was running away

  4. Carl Weathers in Action Jackson: “How do you like your ribs?”

    1. Fighting at a BBQ restaurant, about to impale someone on a skewer

    2. About to shoot someone with a flamethrower

    3. Just dropped a cow on someone’s head

    4. Carl is at a hospital, and is holding up an X-ray of his intended victim

  5. Arnold Schwarzenegger in Predator: “Stick around!”

    1. Thrown a terrorist into a giant venus fly trap

    2. Hurled a knife at a soldier, which hits him in the chest, attaching him to a wall

    3. Drowned a terrorist in a vat of industrial glue

    4. Glued the Predator to the floor, using jungle mud

  6. Roger Moore in Live and Let Die: “He always did have an inflated opinion of himself”

    1. Just defeated an enemy on a bouncy castle

    2. Just drowned an enemy in a small inflatable paddling pool

    3. Tricked his enemy into getting into a hot air balloon, which then explodes

    4. Shoved a gas pellet into his enemy’s mouth, who then expands, floats to the ceiling, and explodes

  7. Vin Diesel in XXX: “I told him that cigarette was going to kill him one day.”

    1. Vin Diesel swaps the trigger for a bomb with a pack of cigarettes, which the villain unwittingly sets off

    2. After a fight on a rope ladder dangling from a helicopter, Vin Diesel throws a villain off and he crashes into a cigarette advertising hoarding

    3. A man has just been killed by a heat-seeking missile, fixed in on the heat from the cigarette he was smoking

    4. The villain tries to run away from a giant malfunctioning threshing machine, but collapses into a coughing fit and is killed

  8. Harrison Ford in Air Force One: “Get off my plane!”

    1. Ford's character is flying the plane, and a villain is still hanging on to the undercarriage. Ford flies the plane low over the White House, and the villain is impaled on the American flag

    2. About to snap a villain’s neck with a cargo-net strap by deploying their parachute

    3. Punches a villain into a crate full of snakes, then kicks the crate out of the plane through the cargo bay doors

    4. Operates the emergency door, then kicks the villain down the emergency slide - at 35,000 feet

  9. Sean Connery in Thunderball: “I think he got the point”

    1. Just shot someone with a spear gun on a beach

    2. Impaled someone on a javelin at an athletics contest

    3. Just shot someone with a harpoon gun on a commercial whaling ship

    4. Stabbed someone with the aerial of his walkie-talkie gadget

  10. Arnold Schwarzenegger in True Lies: “You’re fired.”

    1. Facing off against the main villain in a corporate headquarters building, in a swish conference room on the 50th floor, the suits using the facility having all fled amid the carnage. Arnie shoots the villain out of the window using a bazooka

    2. Arnie is flying a Harrier jump-jet, with the main villain stuck on one of the missiles attached to his plane. Arnie fires the missle through a half-destroyed building, killing the villain’s fellow terrorists in a nearby helicopter in the process

    3. Fighting terrorists in a gaudy circus, Arnie shoves the main villain in the cannon usually used by the troop’s human cannonball. He shoves a grenade down the villain’s throat, then shoves him into the cannon. The villain explodes in mid-air

    4. Arnie shoots someone with a gun

Solutions

1:D, 2:C, 3:B, 4:B, 5:B, 6:D, 7:C, 8:B, 9:A, 10:B

Scores

  1. 2 and above.

    You know when I said you were good at quizzes? I lied

  2. 4 and above.

    Sub-par: put away those great works of fiction, switch off those cinematic masterpieces, and start watching some action films

  3. 8 and above.

    Pretty good!

  4. 10 and above.

    Well done! You have watched a lot of action films. You probably even know where 'they'll print anything these days' comes from. Am I right?

 

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