Stuff to do tonight
If you're in London, go and see Raekwon The Chef at Brooklyn Bowl. If you're lucky, he might bring his Friday night disco moves:
If you're in Sheffield, the Tramlines festival kicks off with Katy B, East India Youth, Toddla T and indie stalwarts The Wedding Present.
A few miles northwest of there, Todmorden's Tor festival is full of far-out musical delights.
If you fancy a trip to the pictures, our own John Patterson suggests you see 60s Japanese gansgter flick Branded To Kill.
Otherwise there's Hercules, Joe or The Purge: Anarchy – but don't see the latter without first reading our handy primer on horror movie masks.
Finally, on telly tonight, the excellent Secret History Of Our Streets strand moves to Edinburgh, plus there are lost ships, chatty men, Friday night dinners and Mack Trucks.
There's also a fascinating-looking documentary about northern soul on BBC4, full of cheerful obsessives like DJ Ian Levine, who, judging by this clip, was fully prepared to risk plunging his entire family into the Atlantic Ocean for the sake of rescuing some rare soul grooves.
Comedians in bars making coffee
The new series of Noel Fielding's divisive Luxury Comedy starts on E4 next week (although you can watch the first episode now on 4oD). Instead of an office-treehouse, this series is set in a coffee bar. So naturally E4 have just sent us some Luxury Comedy-branded coffee.
Here's the Guide's resident beanfreak Paul MacInnes with a special review.
A surreal experience with hints of whimsy and a note of tight leather trouser, this brew is well turned out but may be an acquired taste. That said, I burnt off half my taste buds with a baked potato last night, so you might want a second opinion.
But is it better than Rizzle Kicks' tea?
Oh BTW, look who's on our cover tomorrow. There's also stuff on DJ Harvey, Chris Pratt, The Fall and beavers, plus The Soup's Joel McHale reviews Last Of The Summer Wine, so well worth a trip to the newsie.
When critics attack
Today's edition of #reviewanything is up, featuring our critics tearing into your crime novellas, indie symphonies and electroclash nightmares. Read it and weep here.
Tub thumping
Opinion is divided in the office over the original Hot Tub Time Machine. Personally, I call bullshit on anything purporting to be so bad it's good; that usually means it's just bad, with a bonus side of ironic smugness. But Luke Holland reckons it's one of the finest movie comedies of our age, if not all-time. So, horses for courses.
Sensibly, John Cusack has ducked out of the sequel, to be replaced by Adam Scott of Parks & Rec. And yes, there is a joke about being shot in the dick.
It takes two
There's nothing more tantalising than a pop team-up, promising joy squared from the meeting of two great musical minds. Here are some of the best collabos from the last 24 hours.
Rustie x Danny Brown
(From Rustie's new album Green Language, out Aug 25)
Jessie Ware x Romy xx
(From the deluxe edition of Jessie's forthcoming Tough Love album – bodes well if this is one of the reject tracks...)
Gucci Mane x Young Scooter
(Not from an album but it's a song about turning an ice-cream van into a mobile trap-house, what's not to like?)
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Get yourself reviewed
Just a reminder that today is #reviewanything day so if you haven't already, please do submit your music, videos, pictures, poems, whatever for a critical beatdown from the Guide team. Just tweet @guideguardian using the #reviewanything hashtag or leave us a link in the comments below.
"Welcome to the electric dreams factory, suckers"
Coming in 2015, Pixels is an ironic 80s comedy about three former arcade game champs (Adam Sandler, Peter Dinklage and Josh Gad) whose joystick skillz are suddenly required when some actual Space Invaders (in league with Pac-Man and Centipede) launch an attack on earth. You can read more about it here.
Cleverly, it looks like they're getting the real-life videogame community onside by inviting a bunch of actual game geeks to be in the movie, via Peter Dinklage's mulleted shout-out at Comic-Con. Nice jerkin.
La Isla Madonna
Morning all. Diplo is working on Madonna's new album, which could be interesting. I said could be. This week, he did a bit of showing off on Annie Mac's Channel 4 show Superstar DJs by playing a bootleg of La Isla Bonita which Madonna has re-vocalled to namedrop Major Lazer. Annie got quite excited, but couldn't Diplo have chosen a better Madonna track to remix than that naff Gloria Estefan rip-off? I want to hear the Major Lazer take on Borderline. Anyway:
Other confirmed contributors to Madge's new album include Avicii and The London Community Gospel Choir, who inevitably make everything sound a bit like Like A Prayer:
