According to newspaper reports, there may be cracks in Harry Potter's marriage. Why, you might wonder, are newspapers speculating about the fictional adulthood of a fictional child?
The answer begins with the brilliant JK Rowling having the foresight, in her books, to create a tabloid reporter: Rita Skeeter of the Daily Prophet.
This cunning device allows Rowling, every so often, to pop by her "Pottermore" website and post gossipy stories in Rita's voice. In these stories, Harry Potter is now 33 years old, with silver strands in his hair and two sons named James and Albus.
To coincide with the international football, Pottermore has been running serial reports about a Quidditch World Cup in Patagonia. In last Tuesday's report, "Rita Skeeter" pointed out that Harry Potter's wife, Ginny Weasley, had attended the whole tournament while he looked after their children in London, suggesting that this indicated marital trouble, which JK Rowling presumably intended as a bit of amusing satire on the way tabloids operate.
What actually happened was that several newspapers picked up on the website and ran the story, resulting in a weird and meta-satirical scenario where real tabloids really were speculating on an entirely fictional marriage.
Rowling must surely take this as a great compliment. There are few characters in literature who are so strong and memorable that glimpses of their after-life could not only pack an emotional punch but be reported in the press.
If only other authors had thought to include tabloid gossip-mongers among their characters, who knows what we might now be reading about the adult lives of other great literary children…
Designer speaks out
Celebrated shoe designer Dorothy Gale has given a rare interview from her home in Kansas.
The reclusive stylist, who famously modifies her bestselling "gem slipper" design every year and sends it to the factory by email, said: "Before I die, I want to speak out about the modern obsession with international travel. I only ever left Kansas once, many years ago. I had a fantastic trip and met some great people, but I decided there was no place like home."
Sipping a mint tea, Gale continued: "Biggest mistake I ever made. Kansas is boring as hell. People should go wherever they can."
Just an election
William Brown MP could have a fight on his hands next year, after a couple of strong candidates announced their contention for his "safe" home counties seat. Is the popular mop-topped Tory under threat?
Often spotted cycling about town, his trademark scruffy hair flying in the breeze, Brown is considered a man of the people, despite the fact that photographs of his younger days in exclusive drinking society The Outlaws were famously suppressed.
His own father has made wry remarks about Brown's suitability for office, often embarrassing his son with sarcastic put-downs while simultaneously bankrolling the campaign.
Nevertheless, the nation has fallen in love with this frank and colourful scamp. A world away from career politicians who have experienced nothing but NGOs and think-tanks, he came to parliament after attempting to work in several other fields including espionage and piracy.
However, there could be choppy waters ahead for Brown. His constituency will be targeted next year by his own childhood chum Joan Clive, rumoured to be the only female ever allowed to fraternise with The Outlaws, who is running for Labour.
Meanwhile, formidable matron Violet Cherymington-Stingley, nee Bott (she of the bouffant hair and physique like an aircraft carrier) will stand for Ukip.
Glass ceiling debate continues
Jane Banks, one of only five female CEOs in the FTSE 100, has been talking about the particular challenges for women in business.
"The main problem is childcare," Banks confessed at a City of London cocktail party. "My own mother employed a fantastic nanny who worked a 24-hour day, often taking us out after midnight – into the stars, under the sea, that sort of thing. She did everything required of a nanny; had her own thermometer, was licensed to prescribe lime cordial medicine and could talk to the neighbour's dog. But these days you just can't get the staff. My last au pair could barely fit a hatstand in a carpetbag."
Critics might point out that Banks's own mother did not work and was perhaps exploiting this "magical" nanny with demanding hours.
"I've been misquoted," insists Banks by phone. "I never said our babysitter was perfect. Yes, she put the time in, but she was totally unreliable otherwise. She quit without notice every time the wind changed."
Dream girl stays silent
Insiders say that Wonderland has never been quite the same since Operation Yewtree came for the Hatter.
His defence argued that photographs of the infamous dawn raid (in which the Hatter was led from his house in handcuffs behind several policemen carrying hat boxes) prejudiced the jury. Nevertheless, the sinister milliner's fate was sealed after the Dormouse gave powerful testimony, during which a teapot was brought in as evidence.
A wave of subsequent cases had mixed results; the Mock Turtle is still awaiting sentence after being referred for psychiatric reports and the March Hare disappeared abroad. The Caterpillar was found not guilty on all charges, though paid a fine for contempt of court after attempting to light a hookah in the witness box.
Despite speculation that she attended one of the notorious "tea parties", Alice has refused to comment on any of the verdicts and was not called to give evidence after the judge heard she slept through the whole thing.
Privately, she is said to have expressed surprise that the Hatter only got three years.
