My paternal great-grandfather, George Henry Dern, was the first non-Mormon governor of Utah. Then he became secretary of war under FDR. He was an incredible man. There were incredible writers on both sides of my family. My dad's great-uncle, Archibald MacLeish, was the poet laureate of the US. I'm very blessed to have a lot of interesting people in my family, such as the playwright Tennessee Williams [her mother's cousin].

My maternal grandmother, Mary Ladner, raised me. She was a very spiritual woman. There were certain things that were important to her. Her priorities were church and ritual and family – everyone eating together. She had such a pure heart and she was a believer in not only faith in something higher, as in God, but also in humanity and in everything turning out all right in the end. That was her core.

When my parents left to go do a movie, I was with my grandma, so the household felt the same. It's similar to what happens with my children. The parents come and go because of their art, but the home life stays the same. That's the blessing of a delicious nanny and great grandparents. 

My parents, Diane Ladd and Bruce Dern, are so real; they're so who they are. The 70s, when I was a child, was their time of great success. But there were no cameras following you through the market or paparazzi at your school. In a way, there wasn't a lot of focus on personal life or what your parents did. My parents were character actors. They wanted to play complicated people and they didn't care about anything else, like the glam stuff.

There's nothing more important than my kids [Ellery Walker, 12, and Jaya, nine]. It's great getting to know their DNA, and all the options that are afforded to them because of their DNA, through my family and their dad [the musician Ben Harper] and his family. My son has suddenly become an amazing runner and my dad was a runner. That was originally going to be his profession. I think it's so fascinating that we have these gifts from our families. The way my son gets amused about things and uses his hands are so his grandpa, and that fascinates me. I am so moved by family.

My parents never discouraged my interests, but they were totally discouraging about me acting as a child. My mum made me study acting for two years, and I had to give up everything else to do it, so I didn't ride horses, I didn't go to summer camp, I didn't do other things. Her thought was that if I was choosing to do just acting then I must really love it. And I did. If acting is what my kids love, I'll be thrilled for them, but I would encourage them to go to college first.

When I was eight or nine, I was supposed to have a play date with a boy, but he came up to me and said, "Oh, I'm sorry, my dad said you can't come over because your dad killed John Wayne!' (in The Cowboys). I had to call my dad from the principal's office – "What does this mean?" I didn't understand.

My mum is a total Auntie Mame. And an incredible multi-tasker. When she's 95, she will be like: "I'm on my way to the Thailand film festival." She loves life, she loves food, she loves movies, she loves friends. She's a real nurturer and thinks everyone is a genius in their own way. She takes people in and celebrates them, so she was a great mother figure to be raised by.

It's my dream to work with my dad, and it always has been. He and I are working hard to come up with something to do together right now. My mum and I have had several opportunities to work together but my dad and I haven't.

The more time my dad and I spend together, the more I realise how much I'm like him. His humour is probably the greatest gift he gave me, and his irreverence. He's so funny. As an artist, the gift he gave me is courage; there's never been anyone braver than him.

They're good grandparents. My mom will do anything for my kids, 24/7. And her husband, Robert [Hunter], is amazing. My dad and my stepmother, Andrea [Beckett], are amazing. The four of them together would hold grandparents day and then invite Ben's grandparents: no parents allowed. Just the grandkids and all three sets of grandparents. They all get on great.

In our parents' generation, children were supposed to be seen and not heard – condescend to children, make them feel small, you're the grownup, and they have to be in their place. Now we're being supported to raise children as though they are our peers, to not condescend – progressive parenting.

Motherhood is the greatest experience, but very humbling. I mean, talk about not knowing how to do anything! I learn more every day. I am not strict; I need to learn how to get strict. The value that most of us wish for our children is that they will walk through life with integrity, listening to their truest self. And that's what it boils down to, because you don't know what life is going to offer you or what the world is going to look like in 10 years.

The Fault in Our Stars is now on general cinema release