As a film, this record of last year's starry-eyed Shakespeare-for-kids staging at New York's Richard Rodgers theatre is inevitably limited by the proscenium. As a production, it might have been rather likable - pacy and scampering, updating the now-standard gangland setting with EDM and ebony-ivory lovers - were it not for some disastrous teenbait casting. Though Orlando Bloom displays unexpected dexterity with the verse, his constant crowd-courting lends Romeo's every amorous declaration the sincerity of a bathroom-shot Tinder selfie. We buy that Condola Rashad's callow Juliet might fall for this preening oik, but if he showed up under any other balcony, there wouldn't be a vat of hot piss big enough.