Someday Hollywood will think of women as more than fallopian tubes in heels; until then, we're stuck with this kind of project. It's based on a self-help bestseller, of course, and set in that bitty, crapestry format Valentine's Day made regrettably profitable. The labour pains extend from white-bread reality celebs Cameron Diaz (right) and Matthew Morrison's disproportionate squabbling about infant circumcision, to an unpersuasively penniless J-Lo's struggles with adopting from Ethiopia. Brit director Kirk Jones (Waking Ned) keeps it on the sunnier, dopier side of offensive, but it's the sort of insight-deficient fluff that thinks the misery of a miscarriage lasts only so long as a sad song, and assumes what women want – beyond babies – are reality show callbacks, a Cheryl Cole cameo and male TV stars with their tops off.