This Commission Us production comes to you in association with commenter funknoir, who asked for something on Orange Wednesdays. So popular has this scheme become that he or she can't get into the local multiplex on the night in question without booking ahead.

The arrangement (benighted O2, Vodafone and T-Mobile customers may not realise) allows the 17 million mobile or broadband customers of the Orange network to secure a free ticket for a partner on any Wednesday just by texting FILM to 241. As if that wasn't enough, they're entitled to go on afterwards for two-for-one pizza and doughballs at Pizza Express.

Funknoir wanted to know if the heavy take-up has been caused by the recent surge in box-office prices or the scheme's smart marketing. It hasn't. Orange Wednesdays is six years old and was a big hit long before the arrival of the 3D premium or any of the scheme's current puffery. To date, 23.5m free tickets have been issued. Some customers have used the scheme more than 70 times. Mamma Mia alone attracted 276,549 freebie ticket-holders.

It occurs to funknoir that lots of people must have been attracted into cinemas who wouldn't otherwise have gone. Well, Wednesday used to have the lowest attendances of any day outside the weekend; now it has the highest. No one knows how many of those involved would have gone anyway on a different night; still, Orange has claimed that 3m extra cinema trips are generated every year.

You might be wondering what's in it for Orange. If the firm has paid the full cost of over 20m tickets, this must be proving a rather expensive promotion. Doubtless it hasn't, but the precise terms of its deal with the cinemas are a secret closely guarded by both sides. "Commercially sensitive," explains the Cinema Exhibitors' Association.

Anyway, Orange executives may not be looking all that hard at the numbers. The company seems to be hopelessly intoxicated by the magic of the movies.

This, after all, is the outfit that brought you those "Orange Film Board" big-screen ads in which oily executive Mr Dresden spurned creative but uncommercial pitches from the likes of Steven Seagal, Rob Lowe, Snoop Dogg, Carrie Fisher, Val Kilmer and Patrick Swayze. There were 24 of these big-budget productions, and they've now been superseded by a new series of spoof trailers. The sole purpose of all this has been to tell you to switch off your mobile before the big film starts.

The "Wicked Witch" campaign for Orange Wednesdays itself set the company back another £7m. To mark the fifth anniversary of the scheme, three welders, three chippies and a scenic artist were commissioned to create a 20ft-high tub, from which a tonne of popcorn was released upon the unsuspecting public at Tower Bridge along with more than £10,000 worth of goodies.

At Orange, there are no regrets. Orange Wednesdays, a spokesperson says, have enabled the company "to give its customers the opportunity to experience film as a key benefit of being with Orange". Why two for one, rather than half-price? "We are in the business of empowering people's relationships and Orange Wednesdays enables you to experience film with the friends and family you love the most."

Disappointed singletons who are anyway too sad to go out should perhaps opt instead for T-Mobile's service. If this network's customers text NIGHT IN to 3000, they can get two DVDs, a vanilla fudge, a 200g bag of toffee popcorn and a two-litre bottle of cola, all for a fiver.

Somehow, however, this otherwise splendid offer lacks the charisma that enshrines Orange Wednesdays.

Thus it is that our Orange spokesperson can proudly proclaim: "Our customers love us for Orange Wednesdays and we are the number one UK brand associated with film." But wait. Haven't Orange and T-Mobile just merged under that exciting-sounding banner, Everything Everywhere?

The new moniker seems to hold out an alluring promise. Orange and T-Mobile customers are now able to share the other network's signals. Surely, from now on, both sets of customers should be allowed both a night out at the fleapit AND a bilious sofa experience. That way, unfortunates like funknoir, squeezed out of the picture house of a Wednesday night, could curl up at home instead with a couple of big-screen classics.

Would that I could report such bliss to be in the offing. Sadly, that Orange spokesperson remains unmoved by this shining prospect: "The two brands remain distinct in the marketplace and offer separate propositions." Oh well, funknoir, you'll just have to remember to book ahead. If you keep forgetting, only one option presents itself: switch to T-Mobile.

PS: To prove that the Guardian hasn't been bribed by Orange to run this blog, here's how to get Orange Wednesday tickets even if you aren't an Orange customer.