300: March To Glory
PSP

The coolest-looking revisionist history un-lesson ever comes to the very small screen in the form of 300: March To Glory, in which you lead the Spartan army to eventual Pyrrhic victory, earning Kleos (that's Greek honour) to upgrade King Leonidas by carving everything in sight into meaty chunks. Hobbled from the start by limiting Frank Miller's superb original artwork to the cut scenes, this isn't so much a dull videogame as it is an awe-inspiring cathedral to tedium. Continually hit the stab and big-stab buttons, occasionally hold down L and R to prevent impalement by volleys of Persian arrows, then get back to the humdrum business of dicing an entire extremely boring army of thousands - inevitably it's hard not think that it's for times like this that weapons of mass destruction were invented. You don't admire the Spartans' bravery in battle so much as their unendurably high boredom threshold.

· Eidos, £30

Heatseeker
PS2 (reviewed), PSP, Wii

Yet another Top Gun game that puts you at the joystick of an extensible range of fighters in skies which are increasingly crowded with other planes and ordnance entities. Heatseeker's points of difference, such as they are, include a strong emphasis on ease of use rather than realism and the instantly annoying slow motion close-ups of your enemies as they vanish in lo-res conflagrations. When your options are limited to shooting stuff, missions unsurprisingly become just the tiniest bit samey. You are alternately tasked to destroy things or protect other things (by blowing up everyone else), all of which is introduced by hilariously low budget voice acting that's reminiscent of early black and white Saturday morning programmes in its utterly unselfconscious ludicrousness. Easy, flimsy and endlessly shallow, Heatseeker is a pallid imitation of the Ace Combat series, episodes of which you can buy for the same price or less.

· Codemasters, £30-£40