If you: (a) shift nervously in Terminal Three, distracting yourself with duty-free "shopping"; (b) always listen to safety announcements (wondering if the emergency exits open in or out) ; (c) applaud the pilot on take-off and landing; or (d) ask yourself over and over "am I going down?" (with specific reference to air travel), you can now indulge your flight paranoia with www.amigoingdown.com. This thoughtful website helps gauge the likelihood of a fatal fall from the sky by simply keying in your flight details. Flying from Moscow to Georgia with Air India? Chances of perishing are one in 163,654. "That's really not that good for this route," the site advises.

Flying from London to Sierra Leone is a little less risky (one in 453,500). But if you are thinking about travelling to the troubled African country, then you should, perhaps, consider hiring a private army for your protection. Visit www.sandline.co.uk for the details - but make sure you are an internationally recognised government (preferably democratically elected) and not a rogue state, terrorist group or drug cartel, or they won't deal with you.

If you can't afford protection, equip yourself with a surrealist smokescreen culled from the surrealist compliment generator. "You are the Ayatollah of confusion on the night of Divali", should bamboozle any assailant long enough for you to make a run for the first flight home - if you're prepared to risk it.

Or you could just sit safely at your computer and wreak havoc on a nearby planet. The site www.janus.astro.umd .edu/astro/impact.html lets you simulate a solar collision. Choose your target (Earth), projectile size (5km diameter) and velocity (20km per second) and kaboom! You've made a crater 60km wide and 1km deep causing the largest-ever earthquake. Oh, and increased the risks of any flight leaving Moscow airport, too.