On Saturday evening, football fans all over Europe will settle down in their armchairs and prepare to tuck in to the smorgasbord of soccer that is Euro 2000.
However, if the last major international football tournament is anything to go by, don't expect too many England fans to have much fun. Dodgy refereeing decisions, nail-bitingly close penalty shoot-outs and petulant outbursts from key players could all pile on the agony just as they did in France 1998.
Conversely, if England do go all the way to the final, that's a marathon of at least 400 minutes of nerve-jangling football action that has to be endured.
Fortunately, help is at hand in the form of our collection of Euro 2000 survival gadgets. We can't promise that they'll transform England's squad into an irresistible combination of the best bits of Brazil's 70, Italy's 82 and France's 98 teams. But they just might make the whole Euro 2000 armchair experience slightly less stressful.
1 La-Z-Boy Oasis recliner (around £1,600)
A real contender for the coolest gadget of the 21st century, the Oasis smart recliner - calling it an armchair is like describing Zinedine Zidane as a midfield plodder - is a must-have for Euro 2000.
Owners won't have to worry about nipping to the fridge during the game as the Oasis features an integrated cool-box primed to house up to six cans of liquid refreshment. At half time they can discuss the finer points of Keegan's tactics with a friend by using its built-in phone.
If a penalty shoot-out looms, they can prepare themselves for the inevitable by activating the six-point massage system. England fans can even have it custom-made in their team's colours.
All it needs is an intelligent eject mode which automati cally propels you three feet into the air each time Michael Owen scores.
2 Toshiba 56PW8DB (around £3,000)
Why bother watching the games on the big screen at your local when you can install an even bigger one in your living room?
The Toshiba 56PW8DB boasts a 56inch screen which makes it the biggest widescreen set on sale in the UK. It also comes with extra surround speakers and a special audio tweak that's designed to give your living room that Belgian big match atmosphere. It's so realistic you'll almost be able to smell the chips and mayonnaise.
3 Olympus Eye-Trek (around £700)
Chances are that just as you are about to hibernate in the living room for the footballing marathon, British summer time will finally arrive.
Well, with the Olympus Eye-Trek glasses you can still watch Steve McManaman's mazy runs and top up your tan. A wireless sender transmits pictures from your TV set to the glasses within a range of about 30 feet. By our reckoning that's far enough for you to watch the game from your garden deckchair.
4 Roadstar LCD4004TFT (around £180)
Sadly, real life continues throughout Euro 2000 and, horror of horrors, there may come a point when you are not within sight of a TV as a crucial game is kicking off. Your secret weapon is this 4inch LCD TV from Roadstar. It's small enough to be accommodated by your briefcase but large enough to give you a fair idea of what's making fans jump up and down in the Low Countries.
5 Nokia 7110 phone (price dependent upon package)
Euro 2000 is the first major Wap football tournament, so expect to see lots of edgy looking football supporters glued to their phone screens on the train home. They'll be checking out the Football 365, (BT Cellnet) Sports.com (BT Cellnet), BBC (Vodafone) sites as well as emailing their views to fellow fans. There are Wappers in the England camp too as goal-scoring ace Michael Owen can email home using his Nokia 7110 phone. Vodafone is also offering standard phone owners a "Footy on the Phone" service which sends an SMS message every time their team scores a goal.
6 Panasonic NV-FJ710 (price around £300)
If you have to resort to recording the games, Panasonic's new VCR could prove very handy. It features an extended play model that squeezes up to 12 hours on to a standard E240 tape. As England only need to win five matches to reach the final, you'll be able to archive their glorious Euro 2000 campaign on to one tape and still have room for the EastEnders Omnibus.
7 Presents Direct Massage Pen (around £20)
If England are three-nil down to Romania and Alan Hansen's half time analysis is giving you a headache - reach for this pen. Its vibrating tip will gently massage away your troubles, even if it won't do much for Kevin Keegan's.
8 Cucina Deluxe Blow- torch (around £29.95)
This mini blowtorch is designed for Ainsley Harriot types to use in the kitchen for melting cheese, crisping a joint etc. However if John Motson utters something along the lines of "and England's fate rests on this Gareth Southgate penalty", you can use it to pre-empt your disappointment by flambéing the TV set.
Euro 2000 websites
The official site
www.euro2000.org
The England site
www.the-fa.org
The fan's site operated by The Football Supporter's Association
www.fsa.org.uk
Live commentary on many of the games
www.bbc.co.uk/radio5live
A useful site with details of TV and radio coverage
www.totalfootball.co.uk/euro2000
The alternative angle from the long-running footy fanzine
www.wsc.co.uk
The Guardian's site, home to that oasis of footballing sanity, The Fiver
www.footballunlimited.co.uk
