“Crime is the disease. Meet the cure.” With one of the funniest taglines in cinema history, how can you possibly resist revisiting Sylvester Stallone’s violent, ultra-earnest cult action movie Cobra, which turns 40 this year?
Marion “Cobra” Cobretti (Stallone) is a tough LA cop who plays by his own rules. Sporting aviator shades, a matchstick in the corner of his mouth and a gun emblazoned with a cobra, he takes on criminals with a steely dedication to violence and wisecracks, and an aversion to due process that would make Charles Bronson blush.
As the movie opens, the city is being terrorised by a cult calling itself New World, whose members are hell bent on demonstrating their commitment to a survival-of-the-fittest creed by murdering everyone in sight. Their leader, a fearsome killer nicknamed the Night Slasher (Brian Thompson), wields a giant, spiky knife that must be the envy of Black Metal bands everywhere. Cobra and his partner Gonzales (Reni Santoni) are enlisted to stop the killings – and protect fashion model Ingrid (Brigitte Nielsen), the only living witness to the Night Slasher’s identity, and consequently his number-one target.
It’s the set up for a deadly game of cat and mouse across the city involving car chases, violent mayhem and an army of psycho killers.
Cobra’s politics are definitely on the iffy side. The uncomfortable truth about maverick cop movies is that once you scratch the surface they tend to be a bit right wing. Cobra’s suggestion that cops should be above the law feels a little on the nose in light of current events – and at the time, the movie was heavily criticised for its depiction of policing and glorification of violence. Still, the more ridiculous these kinds of movies are, the easier they are to enjoy, and Cobra is nothing if not ridiculous.
The movie, written by Stallone (adapted from Paula Gosling’s 1974 crime novel A Running Duck) and directed by George P Cosmatos (Rambo: First Blood Part II; Tombstone), creates such a monochrome universe of good and bad that the wisdom of letting cops have unlimited power will never enter your mind. When Stallone starts gruffly mumbling about criminals deserving to get shot to death, or fellow detectives suggest (quite reasonably) that Cobra arrest some people instead of executing them, it’s laughable rather than polemical.
The contrast between sincere delivery and absurd plot is a key part of Cobra’s appeal. There’s also Stallone’s supersized performance: whether he’s twirling his gun around like a cowboy or simply posing in a doorway, he seems to be screaming “look at me” in every scene, like an attention-starved child.
There are also many moments of indisputable cool and unadulterated fun – such as when a cult member threatens to blow up a supermarket and Stallone retorts, “Go ahead, I don’t shop here”; and a bizarre sequence in which Cobretti, snacking in his home office, cuts up leftover pizza with scissors.
I suspect an earlier version of the script was a lot lighter in tone; Cobra drives an eye-catching hot rod with the vanity plate AWSOM 50 and a Bond-esque nitrous oxide booster – jarringly at odds with a character who very much enjoys putting bullets in “dirtbags”.
But Cobra’s most underrated asset is the Night Slasher – one of my all time favourite movie villains, played with a bug-eyed intensity by Thompson. A menacingly giant physical presence, he radiates maniacal rage, particularly in a final showdown during which he bellows that he wants to cut out Cobra’s eyes.
And in a nice bit of switcheroo casting, Andrew Robinson plays by-the-book detective Monte, finding himself on the right side of the law after playing the Scorpio Killer in Dirty Harry, the movie Cobra most shamelessly cribs from.
Cobra is one of those movies that perfectly reflects the frequent disagreement between critics and audience when it comes to blockbusters. Reviled upon release for its violence and politics, and nominated for six Razzies, it ultimately turned a very hefty profit. Cobra takes itself very seriously indeed, but there’s absolutely no reason for you or I to. Forty years on, it’s still very easy to enjoy Cobra’s simple, ludicrous, excessively violent charms.
Cobra is streaming on HBO Max (Australia, US, UK) and available to rent or buy on Apple TV or Prime Video (UK)
