The battle for pop culture’s top spot was so convoluted and fiercely fought this year, and with so many intertwining cross-textual sub-plots, that it made Games of Thrones look like a game of KerPlunk.

In June, we witnessed the celebrity world’s Red Wedding. This involved a series of connected spats involving Taylor Swift and Kanye West (the former objecting to her inclusion in the latter’s song, Famous), Kim Kardashian (who provided the smoking gun: footage of Swift giving her inclusion the thumbs up) and a supporting cast featuring Swift’s former boyfriend Calvin Harris and Katy Perry, who chipped in with some helpful bon mots of her own. Somewhere in all this was Tom Hiddleston, whose relationship with Swift seemed so contrived that many fans assumed it was part of a staged, conceptual art piece on the nature of modern fame.

Look which A-lister Taylor Swift is hooking up with https://t.co/PqjlUsrQx5 pic.twitter.com/ZjsTFz8mCQ

— The Sun (@TheSun) June 15, 2016

This battle took place on social media between practitioners of old-fashioned fame, such as Swift, and the modern type of fame, such as Kardashian, posing questions about the myriad ways it is possible to become famous at a time when traditional household names can carry less digital relevance – and less earning power – than Instagram-famous teens.

By the end of the year, West had been hospitalised and the Kardashians were keeping a low profile after Kim was mugged in Paris. Perry loudly endorsed Hillary Clinton while Swift’s silence on the matter was seen as tacit endorsement of Trump. Hiddleswift ended, and Calvin Harris released a song about working in M&S. The rest of us, meanwhile, were left to ponder the shifting rules of life in the public eye.

1 Tell a story

It was once the case that celebrities relied on press, TV and radio to spread their message, but Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat now mean famous people have a direct line of communication with fans. “For stars constantly in the press, social media has made image maintenance easier for the PR and manager,” explains a senior publicist with vast experience of high-level celebrities. Let’s call him Publicist M. “We’re able to present the narrative we want to tell – we can do that instantly and adapt it when needed.”

2 Get your story straight

In a world where celebrities control their own narratives, But some celebrities are simply better digital storytellers than others. “It’s important to be transparent in your words,” suggests Andy Beal, an online reputation consultant. “That doesn’t mean you can’t be selective with what you share – the danger is when you manipulate or embellish the truth.”

It may well be easier than ever to tell your own story, but it’s also easier than ever for others to give their own side of the argument. “Disaster strikes when the star is rattling around in a multi-million dollar pad with too many rooms and too much time,” Publicist M says. “They spend hours scrolling down their phone, getting worked up and going off-message with foolish posts. That’s when I get the call and have to drop everything to fix a problem that wasn’t there to begin with. We’ve used excuses ranging from ‘it was a joke’ to ‘the phone was hacked’.” Sometimes, he adds, it’s necessary to suck it up and suffer 24 hours’ embarrassment.

3 Don’t get caught

“That rule was always there, and in the old days it was easy,” says Dean Piper, the former Sunday Mirror showbiz columnist. “These days you can’t really get away with doing anything in public, which sometimes makes me wonder if people want those things to come out.”

It was Piper’s frustration with “social fucking media” that prompted a recent move into PR. “Showbiz journalism in 2016,” he points out, “is just writing up what has happened on social media, 12 hours after it happened.”

Perhaps this hints at another way celebrities can control the media narrative: if reporters are kept busy embedding tweets in 20 news posts a day, they’re not out and about looking for other stories.

It is a theory backed up by Publicist M: “Whenever A-listers get together it’s always assumed it’s a set up,” he says. “But the reality is it’s easier for stars to date within their own circle. If anything, many hookups never get reported at all – they take place behind closed doors in a complicated maze of hotel service elevators and exiting through restaurant kitchens. Most stars simply don’t want their personal lives splashed over the press.”

4 Brace yourself for the complexities of the post-truth celebrity landscape

In bygone times (which is to say before about 2006), famous people would justifiably complain when the media didn’t tell the truth, but now that they develop their own narratives, they realise how useful it can be to blur the lines between fact and fiction.

For some stars, the question isn’t how true or false something might be – it’s how much attention it might get online. Fans can be complicit, approaching the world of celebrity in the same way one might engage with WWE: you suspect that some of what you’re seeing is faked, but you reach for the popcorn anyway. Was it any wonder we thought Swift and Hiddleston’s relationship was either fake or a conceptual art piece designed to trap the media?

5 Make sure you’re #relatable, but don’t get carried away

“Authenticity, like spontaneity, can be carefully choreographed,” says Benjamin Cook, who created the Becoming YouTube documentary series in 2012. He tells the story of finding himself at a big YouTube event in Florida and, afterwards, sitting in a car with three big-name YouTubers. “They’d just taken a selfie in the back seat and one of them was about to post it. They were debating – for five whole minutes, with no hint of irony – how to word the tweet to make it more ‘relatable’. It had to be relatable.”

Fast-forward to summer 2016, and Cook was watching Adele at Glastonbury. “She kept reminding us how the night before she had been on the sofa with a Chinese takeaway, then she did the washing-up and took the bins out. I was thinking: you’re Adele! You don’t have to try so hard to seem relatable. I don’t need to know that you do your own laundry in order to love you.”

6 It’s not too late now to say sorry (but nobody will)

Organisations such as press-governing body Ipso are there to ensure that mistakes, genuine or deliberate, are corrected with an apology. Right? “Even when I have evidence proving a story to be incorrect, an apology never happens,” says Publicist M. “It’s always the same conversation: without making it explicit, it is implied the publication will go to war on my client and run a series of stories that will destroy them.”

How about super-injunctions, though? If you know a story’s about to come out, can you squash it? “Super-injunctions are a lengthy, expensive waste of time in which lawyers make enough money to buy a house in the Cotswolds, and that’s about it,” Publicist M says. “I always advise against them and instead suggest we start a dialogue to remove some sections of the story. It works with tabloids as long as it involves a major star, as the tabloid knows they’ll need the star in future to sell papers.”

7 Be prepared to keep topping up your fame

Beyond modern celebrity’s tentpole characters there’s a huge selection of names who spring from shows such as Geordie Shore, Ex on the Beach, Celebrity Big Brother and Celebrity Dinner Date. One man who has done them all is Durham-born Ricci Guarnaccio. “I’ve done so many reality TV shows, but it’s not about the fame,” is his surprisingly noble take on things. Then he adds: “It’s about the money.”

“Our main source of income is a lump sum when you do the show, or personal appearances,” he continues. “But you’re always looking for the next thing because if you’ve been off TV for a long period of time, it’s harder to get work.” Asked for clarification, he says “a long period of time” is about six months.

If you want Guarnaccio at your nightclub for a couple of hours, you can expect to pay him between £1,000 and £2,500, then there are paid social posts for “things like fake tans”, which also keep money coming in. “I didn’t even have Facebook when I went on Geordie Shore, now there are so many networks to keep on top of to stay relevant,” he says. “Two days ago, I had a conference call with my manager to discuss which pictures to put up, when, and which frames to use. You’ve got to tweet at peak times.”

It’s not exactly a hand-to-mouth existence but, whereas Kanye West will never not be famous, people such as Guarnaccio and his Geordie Shore pals know they’re perilously close to the celebrity/civilian borderline. Guarnaccio accepts that if it does all go wrong, he can at least fall back on his former profession as a fully trained hairdresser. “I’ve seen a few good friends who’ve come across badly on TV, it hasn’t worked out, they’re skint and they’re still chasing fame,” he warns.

“They don’t want to bite the bullet and go back to normal jobs, because they still see themselves as a celebrity.”

8 Stay online if you want money for nothing

A decade ago, Katie Price defined this brand of fiercely competitive career celebrity with a string of autobiographies, novels, horse garments, TV shows and clothes. “Even she’s having to really think about where her career’s going,” notes Piper. “And if people like Katie Price can’t carry on the drama, you’re running out of ideas.”

Piper’s advice is blunt. “The days are numbered for celebrities bringing in thousands of pounds by being fundamentally untalented,” he warns. “If you’re that sort of celebrity, you’re basically fucked. Get a proper job and use your brain.”

But there’s no shortage of cash being hurled at aspirational teens and influencers on YouTube, Instagram and Snapchat. These are characters thriving under the radar, and beyond the reach of traditional celebrity outlets.

Cook suggests that it is missing the point to ask why the likes of Zoella haven’t crossed over into presenting roles on shows such as, for instance, Xtra Factor. “They just don’t want to. Seriously, why would you? Zoella doesn’t need TV. Her videos get 20m, 25m views per month – and she makes them herself, at home. Most YouTubers who are even half as successful as Zoella will have more creative freedom – and be earning more money – on YouTube.”

9 If you’ve got the talent, don’t be afraid to disappear

“I’m, like, this close to overexposure,” was one of the more self-aware statements Swift made in her leaked conversation with West. Our Geordie Shore friend Guarnaccio may well be right that his peers have a six-month window to top up their fame or risk being forgotten but, for the world’s biggest stars, it is OK to disappear for a year. After all: how can you stage a comeback if you’ve never gone away?

Publicist M agrees, outlining a six-point career resuscitation timeline for Swift: “She should retire the ridiculous squad, take the paps off the pay roll, fire the team and disappear to her Rhode Island mansion for a year to grow up and realise she is not, and has never been, a victim. Then she should come back with a killer album that makes no reference to this past year.” Sensible advice.