Wait – got it, just a basic Pidgey, do you want to see, now I can evolve it into a Pidgeotto, fantastic – though that probably doesn’t mean much to you, does it? Don’t you want to interrogate the boundaries of augmented reality? I’ll show you, it won’t take a second, but first I need more candy, let me explain. Actually it’s much simpler if you try it, I promise you’ll be hooked, mind if we stop at the church? I need more eggs and there’s a PokéStop in the nave. So I can incubate more Pokémon – course I need to, if I want to understand the sociology of ambulatory gaming, that’s the whole point. To collect more Pokémon for my Pokédex.

It’s not why do I want to, but why would anyone not want to be part of a massive cultural shift, what would that say about you as a person?

Mind if we walk faster – I’m incubating a 10 kilometre egg – that means it could be a fighting one, please let it be a Hitmonlee, I’ll show you, want to try to catch one?

I can’t believe you won’t even try, you meet loads of amazing people, anyway it’s not “just” a game unless you think chess is “just” a game, amazing, I can’t believe it – a Voltorb! You have literally no idea what that means, do you? And chess doesn’t even have teams. I’m so glad I chose team Mystic, I think you’re probably more a Valor person, though that’s meaningless to you, isn’t it, let me explain, teams are one of the most incredible things about Pokémon Go (look, there’s a Krabby over there) the sense of purpose and belonging, but if you won’t play you’ll never understand. It’s all about communication, plus the exercise is incredible, I’ve lost three kilos.

Well you can exercise all you like, but it’s not going to help you with the hermeneutics of Pokémon as a phenomenon, is it, even if I didn’t like playing I’d play, just to explore what it tells us about ourselves, culturally, anyway, how are you – oh my God, see that crowd, there’s a Snorlax, that’s incredibly rare, got to run, I’ll explain later.