Ben Beaumont-Thomas 

Orgasm shots and diamond watches: guess the swag in the Oscar goody bag

As ever, this year's Oscar nominees will receive a gigantic haul of holidays, alcohol and sex toys to console themselves if they lose out on an actual prize – but which of these products have really ended up in the goody bags?
  
  


  1. In 2014, stars received The Orgasm Shot as part of their package. What does it do?

    1. "Films your lovemaking discreetly and in high definition"

    2. "Rejuvenates and enhances the genital tissue of a woman"

    3. "Strengthens the power of male ejaculate"

    4. "Adds an intense raspberry kick to any vodka"

  2. What is ARTAS, also offered to last year's nominees?

    1. Robotic hair transplant surgery

    2. Laser eye treatment

    3. A flight to the edge of space

    4. Running gait analysis

  3. Who described their haul like this: "I got two watches - one with 170 diamonds... Lots of goodies to eat and pamper yourself with. And earrings?! Amazing!"

    1. Helen Mirren

    2. Adrien Brody

    3. Cate Blanchett

    4. Ian McKellen

  4. Which of these wasn't included in the 2012 gift bag?

    1. A bejewelled jar of hand sanitiser

    2. A cleaning product for getting rid of dog slobber from windowpanes

    3. A ride-on lawnmower

    4. A zero-calorie dessert made from vapour

  5. In 2010, gifting company GBK offered $40,000 of swag. What didn't make the cut?

    1. Gourmet ostrich burgers

    2. A pill to prevent breast cancer

    3. Clothing to be worn while playing poker

    4. Surgery to reduce red-eye effects in photos

  6. How much is the bespoke mind-reading service on offer to 2015's nominees worth?

    1. $750

    2. $2500

    3. $6000

    4. $20,000

  7. What were the losing nominees' children once offered?

    1. Free portraits for casting calls

    2. Fingerpainting at the Getty Center

    3. Circus skills classes

    4. DVDs of all the winning films

  8. Back again this year, when was portion-control dinnerware first introduced into the gift selection?

    1. 1997

    2. 2006

    3. 2010

    4. 2013

  9. Which of these phrases does not feature in the promotion of a 2015 gift?

    1. "Unique PulseWave light technology designed to create enhanced arousal and intense, full-body orgasms"

    2. "It may not be an Oscar, but bragging rights are pretty sweet"

    3. "Your skin will be singin', even in the rain"

    4. "Sex is the scaffolding of love"

  10. Which Arrested Development actor has their children's book included in this year's haul?

    1. Tony Hale

    2. Jason Bateman

    3. Portia de Rossi

    4. Alia Shawkat

Solutions

1:B, 2:A, 3:D, 4:C, 5:A, 6:D, 7:C, 8:D, 9:C, 10:A

Scores

  1. 3 and above.

    Poor. Might we suggest Reset Yourself: the Complete Lifestyle Makeover, also being offered to all this year's nominees.

  2. 5 and above.

    OK. Head off on a $10,000 safari to play out your revenge fantasies about the winners.

  3. 8 and above.

    Very good. Donate your winnings to charity to make yourself feel even better – and to dodge the taxman.

 

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