Fast-moving developments in Mark Wahlberg, now, with those who insist on separating fact from fiction advised to look away now.

“Sometimes there’s a man,” observes the voiceover at the start of The Big Lebowski, “I won’t say a hero, because what’s a hero? ... But sometimes, there’s a man, well, he’s the man for his time and place.” It is becoming increasingly clear that for our times – and for all our places – that man is Mark Wahlberg.

Allow me to expand. According to Deadline, a deal signed this week means that something called What’s Up Wahlbergs? is now officially in development at ABC. The show’s premise: “a sitcom inspired by the Wahlberg brothers as kids growing up.”

If you’re thinking, “Didn’t I already see that?”, I’m afraid you’re mixing up your Wahlberg origins stories. Happily, there are cultural projects in the pipeline to help you get them straight again. Last month saw the release of the trailer for the upcoming Entourage movie, a cinematic outing following on from the long running TV series – which, you will recall, was based on Mark’s experiences as a rising movie star. The “Mark” of Entourage is played by Adrian Grenier, I should add – Mark himself served as executive producer on the series.

If this all feels crystal clear, then you are ready to proceed to the next level, and absorb the fact that Mark has a cameo in the Entourage movie trailer, in which he plays himself running into the fictional version of himself. Furthermore, be advised that Adrian Grenier and the rest of the Entourage principals were also spotted shooting a scene on the real-life Golden Globes red carpet last Sunday night. Or as the Golden Globes official Twitter account had it: “We spotted the guys from #Entourage on the #Golden Globes #red carpet in a Hollywood #meta moment.”

Meta indeed – especially for those of us who’ve never meta Mark Wahlberg project we couldn’t adore. Consider Walhburgers, the US reality series which chronicles the behind-the-scenes goings-on at the Boston burger joint co-owned by Mark and two of his brothers, and which is now in its third electrifying series.

If, however, you are now seriously struggling to keep track of developments in Wahlberg-lore, I find it helps to think of all these characters and stories as part of the Mark Wahlberg universe, an internally consistent, semi-fictional realm. And one which is fast emerging as the key prism through which all narrative must be refracted, in order that the early 21st century might make sense of itself.

Indeed, failing to weave Mark Wahlberg into any cultural enterprise is beginning to feel like something far beyond an oversight. All the greatest male American novelists are believed to be working on Mark Wahlberg novels, having done such a bang-up job on their terrorism ones a few years ago. And really, what else can they do, if they take even the vaguest pride in their reputations? Not to engage with the idea of Mark Wahlberg – one of the defining cultural concepts of our times, if not THE defining concept – is really to admit failure as a novelist. Think of these gestating tomes, in which a selection of elderly white males try to think themselves into the mind of the erstwhile frontman of the Funky Bunch, as our best hope for coming to terms with the challenges and complexities of a modern world denuded of the old certainties.

Other news? I’m afraid Mark’s bid to have his assault convictions expunged in order to become an LAPD reserve officer has met with some resistance. By way of a recap, this is Mark’s attempt to become a gun-totin’ cop in order to inspire kids or something – a case which he argues persuasively in his petition to the Massachusetts governor’s office. “Why isn’t it enough that I have personally risen above my past,” he wonders in this document, “found success in Hollywood, have served as a local and national philanthropist and am the father of four beautiful children with my incredible wife?”

We now have one answer to that question from the former assistant attorney general in Boston who prosecuted him for the offence – and bafflingly, it declines to even address the hotness of the wife or the Hollywood success.

“In the 13 years I served in the attorney general’s office, I recall only one instance of a defendant violating a civil rights injunction — Mark Wahlberg,” writes Judith Beals in a forceful piece in the Boston Globe, in which she stresses that he has never adequately acknowledged his “serial pattern of racist violence” in this era that needs “acknowledgement and leadership, not denial”. “I’m glad Mark Wahlberg has turned his life around,” Ms Beals goes on. “I’ve read that [one of his victims] has forgiven him. But a public pardon is an extraordinary public act, requiring extraordinary circumstances because it essentially eliminates all effects of having ever been convicted. It is reserved to those who demonstrate ‘extraordinary contributions to society,’ requiring ‘extensive service to others performed, in part, as a means of restoring community and making amends.’ On this, I am not sold.”

Maybe What’s Up Wahlbergs will clinch it for her.

As for why Mark wants to play the reserve cop … Well, given the form book, perhaps he’s planning to do a Seagal and make some landmark television out of it all (Steven is a Louisiana reserve cop, you’ll recall, and his crime-fighting exploits were the subject of a reality TV series).

Still, at least any Untitled Mark Wahlberg Cop Show has yet to become a real world thing – if, that is, we can still talk about the real world, given the speed at which it is losing ground to the Mark Wahlberg Universe.