You're a programmer. Being multilingual means knowing C++ and XML; multi-culturalism means tolerating Windows programmers when you're a Unix devotee. You work long hours, you spend weekends curled up with programming manuals. So when holiday time rolls around, what could be more idyllic than a relaxing Caribbean cruise, talking computers with a few hundred others just like you?
If this sounds like a vision of heaven rather than hell, Neil Bauman - or Cap'n Neil, as he signs himself - is prepared to make you a very happy geek. Bauman, operator of a new venture called Geekcruises.com, is a purveyor of fine programming holidays to those whose motto in life is: "I code, therefore I am."
Bauman, a mid-40s self-confessed geek, has lined up computer-oriented seven to 10-day luxury cruises based around the unlikely topic of programming languages. The cruises bear whimsical titles such as Perl Whirl 2000, Java Jam, and XML Excursion. There's a European Linux cruise in the works for 2001. He bills them as "high tech cruises for geeks and other computer professionals" - presumably to accommodate those who do not yet feel self-confident enough to calls themselves geeks.
Bauman is big on geek pride - and on convincing employers that they should reward hard-working technology employees with, say, a Perl Whirl cruise to Alaska. "I think geeks have always been looked down upon in the corporate world as the guys with thick glasses and pocket protectors," he says, himself the picture of contented geekiness in a plaid shirt, worn corduroy trousers, bare feet - and thick glasses. Bauman works from a home office in geekdom's four star city, Palo Alto, California.
"The geek should be recognised as not just some grunt who sits in a cubicle," he argues. "I think in some way, this elevates the stature of a geek. This," - he says with emphasis, gesturing at a row of brochures fanned on a sofa - "is clearly worthy of a geek." More than 900 geeks apparently agree. They've sent e-mails asking for more information on the cruises, and Bauman sends out his glossy brochures in response. He says he gets eight to 10 emails a day, many from Europe, and points out neatly stacked envelopes with address labels for Britain, Ireland, Germany, Denmark, the Netherlands, France and elsewhere around the globe.
Some 20% of the 100 or so already signed up for his May Perl Whirl are Europeans. "They take their holiday time a little more seriously," he says. For the hard-core geek, there's plenty to get serious about. Sessions on the various cruises include Perl, XML and Really Big Data, The History and Culture of Perl, Tips of the Java Wizards, and the highly tempting Making File Conversions Fun and a Way of Life. Speakers include programming gurus such as Joseph Hall, Randal Schwartz, Lincoln Stein and geek icon and inventor of Perl, Larry Wall. Special events include a seminar for "our female Geek Cruisers" on Issues of Being a Woman in the Tech Biz, a pub crawl through the Alaskan port of Juneau, and a rigorous seminar entitled Rebuilding Post-Apocalyptic Civilisation with Perl.
Bauman got the idea for Geekcruises.com after taking his family on a Star Trek theme cruise to Alaska (Bauman's walls are lined with shelves holding videos of Star Trek and its various spin-off programmes). While at a meeting of a local chapter of Perl enthusiasts called the Perlmongers, "the idea just struck me right there all at once. So I blurted out, 'What do you think of a Perl cruise?' Dead silence", he recalls.
Then, one after another, the group's members agreed it might be a fine thing to do. Conveniently, the members included Perl authors such as Hall, and once several agreed in principle to the idea, others came on board (as it were). Bauman thinks computer geeks will welcome the chance to holiday with geeks. "Most love reading computer manuals and [computer publisher] O'Reilly books on weekends and on vacation. When I went on the Trek cruise, I brought Perl manuals," he confesses.
Along with those who will take the cruises for their own holidays, Bauman thinks he can tap into the employer market by offering the perfect company perk. "Retaining geek talent is one of the biggest challenges," he says. And anyway, an employee enticed with a cruise "is not going to quit between now and the cruise. At least you have an indentured servant for a while." He's quick to stress that there's plenty of relaxation time as well, especially in ports of call. For families and spouses, the ship offers films, game rooms, exercise areas and an internet cafe.
"While the geeky guy or gal gets to do their geeky thing, the family gets to do family things," he says. And the geeky guy or gal can even do the family thing. According to Cap'n Neil, two couples intend to get married during the Perl cruise, and one couple will be celebrating a honeymoon - proving that even on a geek cruise, geeks can be distracted by something other than code.
