Salma, a British-born Pakistani, is 30. Smart, funny and ambitious with a steady job and a busy social life, she likes contemporary art and current affairs. But for all her modern ways and independence she wants to have an arranged marriage - a decision that has delighted her parents. Her family can't find a suitable boy, however, and time is ticking away; to be unmarried at 30 is frowned upon in Pakistani culture. She hopes to marry this year but conventional methods - networking and personal ads - have been unsuccessful. So she is using the internet to find a husband.
Salma is one of the hundreds of Muslim women in the UK to exploit modern technology to fulfil the traditional demands of their culture. Sites specifically designed for Muslims have mushroomed recently - young Muslims can't date or cohabit before marriage, but they can browse through potential partners online without breaking any rules.
Muslimmatch.com is one of the websites set up for just this purpose. It has been running since January 2002 and now has 15,000 members worldwide. Joining costs £14.99 for three months, which allows members to send and receive messages from interested parties.
Waleed Saeed, one of its founders, believes that the internet has given Muslims greater control over the selection and introduction process. "Previously we offered a postal-based marriage service. Our members enjoyed sitting back and waiting for the post to come through their doors. But this approach made matchmaking a slow and cumbersome process.
"We developed a site that is updated in real time and available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. This fits in with our members' lifestyles. We even get members logging into their accounts at 4am."
Such sites also offer young Muslims more time to assess a potential spouse. The traditional way of finding a partner is to enlist the help of friends and relatives or to place an advertisement in an Asian-language newspaper, such as the Daily Jang or Eastern Eye. If a search is successful, the boy and his family will visit the girl's parents. The two will be introduced and left alone. This brief encounter provides what Salma describes as a "limited window of opportunity" to find out as much as possible about the other. Typical questions cover employment, education, the marital status of siblings, current living arrangements and likes and dislikes. After the chat, the parents re-enter. There is more conversation and the family leaves.
The initial meeting is "excruciating", she says, because there is so much pressure for things to work out. "I feel emotionally drained if I've met a guy. I'm not thinking about whether I like him or not. I'm seized with panic the whole time. Sometimes I've half an hour to talk to someone and I'll be thinking that I spend more time choosing a moisturiser, so how can I decide whether I want to see him again, let alone marry him?"
Ali Hassan, half of the husband-and-wife team behind another site, muslim-marriages.co.uk, understands why younger people want to do things differently. Like Saeed, Hassan initially offered a postal marriage service but realised that people wanted to view potential partners without committing to a match.
"If a boy is found in the traditional way - through friends or family - and a meeting is arranged, then there is more pressure for the match to work because the meeting indicates a level of commitment from both sides. You can learn about a potential match by going online. You can look at more than one match at a time, something you can't do in real life."
The site, which is based in Manchester, has been running for two years and charges £30 for three months' membership. It has two sections: one for UK members and one for international members. The service also goes one step further than other sites, by checking its members' credentials.
While going online seems acceptable to young professional Muslims, the internet revolution has yet to win over parents. There are success stories; but you won't hear about them. "There's a stigma attached to finding a partner through a website because it's seen as a sign of failure - that you couldn't find someone among your friends or family. People don't want others to know that their daughter's husband was found online. And I've yet to be invited to a wedding, although I can understand why," says Hassan.
He thinks that parents should be less suspicious of the process. "It's encouraging parents to listen to their children and take their requirements into account. This site isn't for dating, it's purely for marriage and it's purely for Muslims. We are not a lonely hearts service."
Where Muslim sites differ from their non-Asian counterparts is the emphasis on religion and culture. A Muslim website can ask users what branch of Islam they follow, how often they pray, or ask for a description of the user's relationship with Allah. A site for Hindus will have a drop-down menu for caste and there are also sites for Bengalis and Arabs.
Most sites do not give out personal contact details, so a member will receive a message asking if they will accept a message from another one. There is also a mailbox system that is used to protect identities. But the elements that make the internet online appealing - anonymity and control - can also cause problems.
Leylah is 24 and has been using the internet for six months to find a perfect match, but she has had a few false starts. "Online a guy can be as funny or as clever as he likes. Emails aren't spontaneous like conversation and you can take as much time as you need to reply to messages. Like so many other things you can browse but you never know what you're getting until it's there in front of you."
She was drawn to a man in his late 30s, who ran his own business in central London. Leylah accepted his request for her contact details and they began emailing. The correspondence became more frequent and photographs and phone numbers were exchanged. On the phone he was charming, talkative and kind. They arranged to meet. "I wanted to meet him because he seemed intelligent and curious. I also liked the fact that he wasn't like the other guys I had been introduced to."
During their meeting Leylah was "gutted and horrified". He was older than he looked, three years older than he had said he was. Also, he didn't want to start a family straight away, which she did. She also discovered that he had radical views about Islam that she didn't share. "There was nothing I could do. I just had to sit there and listen to his opinions. I asked if his wife would have to agree with him and he said he expected his wife to have a similar take on Islam and politics. I muttered something about being a liberal."
As her parents didn't know about the meeting she never mentioned him but now she makes sure she tells them when she finds a man she thinks might make a suitable husband before she makes contact.
Leylah's brother, Ahmed, would prefer her to find a husband by conventional means. "I don't think people should be going online to find a partner because, from a religious point of view, it's not the done thing. OK, so the internet wasn't around during the Prophet Mohammed's time but the principle is the same. A man and a woman shouldn't have any kind of relationship before marriage. It doesn't matter that they haven't met, it's what going on in their heads and hearts while they're emailing each other that is the problem. Just because marriage sites are becoming popular and socially acceptable, it doesn't make it right," he says.
It is difficult to tell how widespread this view is but some Muslims think that finding a husband via the web is no more than online dating. Leylah has to reassure her family that she won't get emotionally involved with anyone she meets online.
"I understand why my family are wary about the internet but all I want to do is help. It's not easy finding someone to marry, especially if you don't know many people. My parents would love to find a boy for me - it's one of the most important things they will ever do for me. They have tried and they are still trying. I just want to make it a bit easier for them by using what's available."
