Internet picks of the week

Turner & Hooch. Photograph: Allstar Photograph: Allstar

Movies I Don't Remember

Can you remember a film you watched five, 10 or 15 years ago? Chances are, especially if it wasn't a classic or contained a particularly unique plot, only sketchy memories remain. It is in such vague recollections that this blog rejoices. The idea came from TV listings for movies that had very obviously not been watched by the people writing them (we'd never do that at The Guide, of course). The results are occasionally funny – especially the more you know the film – but what's remarkable is how astoundingly forgettable a large percentage of the movies we see (like, say, Tom Hanks woofer Turner & Hooch) actually are.

White People Rapping Poorly

Holding Marshall Mathers up as a gold standard, this collector of crimes against hip-hop reckons that, according to science, "for every Eminem, there are approximately 598,467 white people that try to rap but can't". Here, we are presented with the irrefutable YouTube evidence and "the best of the worst". It is indeed toe-curlingly bad – from teens who really should have written stuff down before committing lines such as "Ima ride my bike in the motor life" to a webcam and making "stupidly random" raps with bad British accents, to TV commercials that make R Kelly's Trapped In The Closet video look like Citizen Kane. Most terrifying of all is Joe Pesci's offensive, wiseguy attempt at Blondie's Rapture that surely puts him up there with Bruce Grobbelaar in Anfield Rap as the worst MC of all time.