The Last Barman
On the lookout for poetry versions of the Aristocrats – the unfunny joke that US comedians use to show off their stagecraft – the people behind Homework, a monthly poetry cabaret night in London, plumped for The Last Barman from Cocktail. The spontaneous verse, spouted by Tom Cruise in the 1988 movie, is one of the most embarrassing moments in his career, but also one of history's most excruciatingly embarrassing poems (sample line: I make things with juice and froth. The Pink Squirrel. The 3-toed Sloth). The challenge here is to make this heinous verse your own, rewrite it, do a dubstep version, stick a video on YouTube or destroy it with superior prose. The best rewrites land on this website where you'll find a Morse version, a scouse version and many rude variations.
Regretsy
A hit book in America, subtitled "where DIY meets WTF", this blog compiles all the weird, freakish, tacky and disturbing homemade rubbish you may stumble across on crafting sites such as etsy.com or in the more obscure corners of eBay. Last week the author focused on projects that act as tributes to 9/11, from September 11 flipbooks to novelty glasses to commemorative flick-knives; if you were looking for a gift for pastor Terry Jones, this is the place. Elsewhere craft atrocities include novelty penis scatter cushions, a wedding dress made from recycled men's ties, the uncovering of a bizarre woolen-based sexual underworld, Lady Gaga toilet paper, terrifying pencil drawings of Jesus, and a bike helmet which doubles as a bird feeder.
Blog roll: Musicology
Forgotten 60s nuggets, homebrew compilations and novelty vinyl finds from the Music & Video Exchange.
Words of wisdom on the state of pop – and Wayne Rooney – from erstwhile Old Grey Whistle Test presenter David Hepworth.
Recipes and album love cooked up side by side.
Bands' entire careers condensed into 140 snarky characters.
Users of this site were into Wolfy & The Bat Cubs years before you losers.
Deconstructing David Bowie song by glorious song in wondrous infinite detail.
What we learned on the web this week
The fantastical wonders inside the Soviet Museum of Arcade Games
Where to climb aboard the YouTube time machine
American trousers are lying to men
Proof of the most awesome character in Mad Men
How Arcade Fire made their online video
The average FarmVille player is a 43-year-old woman
If there's a tube strike on or not
How many 100pt Helvetica characters you would need to reach the moon
Even Hells Angels need a mini-break
