Recently, I was asked to leave an ultrasound clinic because I had chatted too long with a couple I had just met in the waiting room. We struck up a conversation after the lovely lady complimented me on my skirt.
I could have said thanks and returned to my phone, but instead I made a conscious decision to put it away and be open to a new connection. The conversation uncovered many delightful facts about them both and spanned many topics: theatre, travel, politics and even the ancient Irish origins of bards and their modern equivalents. Very deep for ultrasound clinic chit-chat.
At 5:05pm the receptionist came over to politely ask us to leave – the clinic staff had already gone home and we had lost track of time!
After our conversation, I felt something I have rarely ever felt after typing out a message to someone on social media. Light. Happy. Connected.
Last year, experts created the first-ever guidelines to combat loneliness. Shockingly, the health impacts of social isolation are much worse than sedentary living and obesity and it kills the same number of people as smoking.
I can’t help thinking about the role of technology in this – partly because of my own social media use. Somehow we have ceded our public forums to tech billionaires who control our social interactions; we are increasingly siloed, addicted to online spaces and lonely thanks to them. Now they even want us to have AI companions for friends and confidants.
I want to take back the power of social connection for myself, so I’ve started to make more time for conversations with people I don’t know in the actual public forums I wander through in life: at the local cafe, public square, community events, the dog park.
Seeing this as a strike against the Zuckerbergs and Musks of the world gives me the confidence to do it. Take that tech bros, I’m going to speak with a real person, offline!
In fact, I’m trying to talk to as many people as my time allows! Last year, I started running women’s history walking tours in Sydney with She Shapes History. It’s been one of the best decisions I’ve made. I take 16 people I don’t know on a journey to meet dozens of incredible women from Sydney’s past and I’m positively buzzing afterwards! The power of people and good conversation is real!
Becoming a tour guide to increase your social interactions might be a bit extreme for some. Luckily there are many other situations where we’re literally surrounded by people and just need to seize the opportunity for a quick exchange.
Recently I went to the cricket where we sat for eight hours next to dozens of people we didn’t know, staring at the field. Personally I would have found it weird if we sat there for the whole day and ignored them all.
Luckily our neighbours were friendly and for me, the chat was as good as the game! I learned a lot – for example, the special balloon that was doing a tour of the stadium was in fact a blown-up condom. I now know how to locate the slips on the field, and that Rolls-Royce makes jet engines. That fact might be useful at trivia one day?
Maybe you don’t want to talk about jet engines, and I hear you – life is overwhelming. Sometimes you can’t stop while you’re juggling kids, grocery shopping or work. I’m not saying to make time whenever someone wants to talk. Just maybe, when you have capacity and someone you don’t know opens up to you, linger for a minute and see what happens?
The most important thing I’ve been reminded of recently is that having community is not always convenient. It can be annoying, time consuming, it takes real effort and you’re not always guaranteed a good interaction – but putting yourself out there is the price for belonging and feeling connected. It’s worth the effort, and having a little natter sure beats scrolling on your phone.
Do it because the tech bros don’t want you to.
Jess Harwood is an Australian, Indian and British comic artist and women’s history tour guide living in Sydney
