Damn, how sad that Tara Reid’s fate is left up to humanity and we get to decide if she lives or dies on Twitter. Isn’t there a Ray Bradbury story about something like this? I hope she doesn’t die because her post-baby body was on fleek.

Everyone take a moment to salute The Hoff.

I am so mad that Tara Reid did not give birth to a shark baby. I feel like we were all somehow robbed.

That is the fakest looking baby since American Sniper.

I still do not understand how characters dying has anything to do with their cell phone plans.

I’m sorry, but there is no way there is that much room inside a shark for it to fit two ‘90s actors.

Thank God, Tara Reid finally got eaten by a shark. Please, no one rescue her.

Now Finn has a laser chainsaw to kill the space sharks. I can’t even make jokes about this anymore.

Oh no, the Sharks are in space! I wish Sandra Bullock had to deal with them in Gravity.

The Sharknado was destroyed by a giant laser from space, because everything in this movie makes sense.

And The Hoff sails off into the heavens, where he has always belonged.

THAT IS ANTHONY WEINER! Oh my god, what is he doing in this movie?!

Do you think Ann Curry threw all those sharks onto the set of the Today show?

The Hoff is going to kill the Sharknado with Star Wars, one of Reagan’s pet projects. The Republicans finally win!

The Hoff just shouted “Watch your pitch, watch your pitch,” like he was Simon Cowell on American Idol.

Isn’t shooting the sharks in a Sharknado sort of like trying to dry Lake Erie with three rolls of Bounty?

Tara Reid does not deserve to go to space.

I think that PBS is probably upset that their science show is named Nova, a character from Sharknado.

There is only 20 minutes left of Sharknado 3 and Tara Reid has yet to give birth to a shark baby.

Wait, was that Anthony Weiner aborting the shuttle mission? I would sort of die for that cameo.

I feel like all Tara Reid ever does in these movies is hang off of ledges in peril.

Ian Ziering stalking around in an astronaut suit to the strains of a song called “I’m a Badass.” Oh, Sharknado 3, I just can’t quit you.

Nova is going to have to kill Tara Reid’s shark baby and it is going to be awesome/sad/amazing/horrible.

Lance Bass is gonna be pissed that Ian Ziering gets to go into space before he does.

I never thought I would enjoy hearing The Hoff say, “Not to mention, the sharks” as much as I did.

Oh no, conservatives hate NASA and now it is what is going to save Ann Coulter and Michele Bachmann from the Sharknado.

There is now a giant Sharknado wall up the Eastern Seaboard. I really need to move to Detroit.

Oh, finally, a reasonable scientific explanation for how to end a Sharknado. Thank god. It involves a secret military shuttle shooting flame into to the sky, but whatever.

Why is it we always meet our hero’s father in the third movie. It happened in Indiana Jones too.

If hell is other people, then it is certainly sharing a diner table with David Hasselhoff, Penn, and Teller.

Damn, Kim Richards, my favorite Real Housewife, just got spattered over the pavement by a shark. Sad news.

“We have to create a tower of flame going 65 miles high burning hotter than the surface of the sun.” Sounds reasonable.

OK, if the Universal Studios globe full of people went rolling through the theme park and then up into a Sharknado it would not only be full of people but also vomit.

I’m not that mad that TMZ’s Harvey Levin just got eaten by a shark.

Again, Universal Orlando, having one of your roller coasters fly off the rails because of shark attack really isn’t making me want to visit anytime soon.

“You are a family full of crazy maniacs.” Chris Jericho speaks the truth.

Everyone in America just asked, who are those creepy Irish twins? It’s Jedward, people!

I am so glad that the guy looking for a selfie with a giant shark got bitten in half.

Being able to walk into a theme park with a chainsaw and a crazy gun with a giant bayonette at the end doesn’t say much for that theme park’s security.

Ok, Ian Ziering is definitely doing CrossFit or something. Look at hat physique!

I’m still not entirely sure what it takes to dissipate a Sharknado, but apparently it has something to do with fighter planes, ‘90s actors, and something red states love.

This is the only 10 seconds of NASCAR I’ve ever watched in my life, and I’m glad all it showed me was the crashes.

Oh my god, the Sharknado is coming to NASCAR. What is this Sharknado: Flyover State Edition?

Now Malcolm in the Middle only has one arm left, and he is using it to defeat sharks. OH WAIT! That arm is gone. But he destroyed the sharks with his chin. That is dedication.

A shark just took Malcolm in the Middle’s right leg. Poor dear.

Finn doesn’t believe the world is coming to an end but he is being chased by a meteorological event with teeth. Climate change deniers are the worst.

This Sharknado has just been upgraded to a Sharkicane! Just wait for Sharknado 4: Sharkquake.

I love that Finn is visiting a military base that is seemingly run entirely by women.

Frankie Muniz seems to be the only person in this program talented enough to be intentionally acting badly.

Can all of these teenagers please get eaten by a shark or sacrificed to whatever dark god Ann Coulter worships?

Tara Reid is “playing ninja for two,” which is sort of the best description of pregnancy I have ever heard.

Al Roker is doing his second tour of duty in a Sharknado movie, proving, once again, that dignity isn’t something he really possesses.

Sharknado 3: Brand Integration

I haven’t seen people jump out of a pool this quickly since someone threw a Baby Ruth in the pool during Caddyshack.

At this point, I seriously, seriously, seriously want Universal Orlando to be destroyed by the Sharknado.

r/Sharknado has let the world know that a Sharknado is coming. Thanks Reddit.

Oh Nova, don’t ask why the Sharknado happens, just accept that it does. It is here for marketing purposes only.

I have a feeling that every Tea Party member wants a scary van like Nova’s full of surveillance equipment to spy on the government.

If Finn flirts any harder with Nova, Tara Reid’s shark baby fetus is going to eat her.

Sharknado 3: The Cash Grab.

Frankie Muniz from Malcom in the Middle is firing magical blue thunderbolts into the Sharknado. What is going on here?

Michele Bachmann, Ann Coulter, killing flags with the American flag, is Sharknado especially popular with the Tea Party?

OK, this extended commercial for Universal Orlando is really getting annoying. Where are the sharks?

And there is Real Housewife of Beverly Hills and former child star Kim Richards.

Welcome back Matt Lauer and Savannah Guthrie. OH, and there is Kathie Lee and Hoda. Sharknado without NBC news personalities is like Kathie Lee and Hoda without wine.

Second rather obvious product placement of the night goes to Universal Orlando Resort, where the sharks fly every day.

God Bless America, indeed. It looks like Ian Ziering, Mark McGrath, Mark Cuban, and Ann Coulter just recreated rising the flag at Iwo Jima to kill a shark falling out of the sky. This is what our grandfathers died for, us making fun of a bad movie on social media.

The founding fathers really hate Sharknados, as evidenced by George Washington repeatedly helping to thwart this weather attack.

I’m not even sure what is currently happening other than sharks falling from the sky and people shooting guns. This is like an NRA staging of West Side Story.

Fair point

I have never loved seeing Ann Coulter more than seeing her surf down the stairs of the White House on a portrait of George Washington.

Finn kills a tiny shark with his tiny decorative chainsaw. Are these like the first shark snowflakes before a shark blizzard.

What city exactly did they get to stand in for D.C., because this is not our nation’s capitol?

“Hi, I’m Jackie Collins...I know you have a story to tell and I want to be the one to tell it.” Television gold.

The first strange celebrity cameo goes to Ann Coulter, who plays the Vice President. Oh wait, and there’s Lou Ferigno. This is a who’s who of remember when.

Mark Cuban plays the president, which is slightly less terrifying than Donald Trump playing a presidential candidate.

I don’t know what’s scarier, Finn Shepard just walking into the White House without a security clearance or Tara Reid having a baby.

Could that Subway: Eat Fresh signage the Presidential motorcade just passed be any more obvious? #ProductPlacement.

And here we go, Sharknado 3 gets a somewhat fitting James Bond opening as Ian Ziering runs through Washington D.C. like he’s late to a 90210 convention.