• Gillian Anderson returns as Stella Gibson in the second series of The Fall on BBC2 at 9pm, and she’s still of the trail of Jamie Dornan’s uber-creepy Spector. Have a read of what happened when the Guide visited the set to get you in the mood
• The first episode of the full series proper of Babylon begins tonight at 10pm on Channel 4, and is mooted to be very good indeed, despite its slightly all-over-the-place pilot
  
• An insightful and telling documentary on Monty Python’s reunion, The Meaning Of Live, is on Gold at 9, giving the distinct impression they did it because they had to, not because they wanted to
• Getting On’s Joanna Scanlan and Vicki Pepperdine bring us Puppy Love at 10pm on BBC4, a new sitcom based in a dog training class. Here they are telling us why we’re a massive nation of hound lovers

In new “look what Jimmy Fallon can make celebrities do that no UK chatshow host ever could” news: Pecs Tatum and Fallon duke it out in fibbing contest Box Of Lies.

I like this game. I like the snickery of the word “box” being used so pointedly. I like actual boxes. I like everything about this.

Well then, GOOD NEWS. The full 30-minute docco from a limited edition “making of” DVD has made it to the ether of the internet, and here it is. It mainly consists of shaky cameraphone footage and lots of questionable language, and contains, as far as I can tell, very little insight into the process of making an album. Still, it’s worth a watch, and shows Tyler still coming to terms with no longer being skint and playing the nonsense out of a Casio. NSFW warning: effing and jeffing abounds.

Divergent: Insurgent

I have no idea what Divergent is all about to be honest. I know it’s a dystopian YA series that isn’t The Hunger Games, and that it’s based on a series of novels by Veronica Roth, because I Googled it. This trailer for the second film in the series, Insurgent, looks alright though – like a La Roux video directed by Chris Nolan. It’s due for release in March.

Night At The Museum 3

I have no idea what Night At The Museum is about to be honest. I know it’s an improbably successful franchise in which Ben Stiller plays museum security guard Larry Daly, who befriends the somehow-animated exhibits that are his charge, because this trailer told me so. It’s also got a comedy cast roster so long it makes Moonrise Kingdom’s look like Andrew Lawrence’s “My remaining friends in stand-up comedy” list. Most importantly, Robin Williams reprises his role as Teddy Roosevelt, and is the second-to-last performance the great man gave. This looks good though, and it’s due for release on 19th December. Are the first two rubbish? Can anyone tell me? Please?

The Cobbler

I have no idea what an Adam Sandler is to be honest. On one hand, an Adam Sandler is a capable, forlorn, occasionally very sweet actor from Punch Drunk Love, The Wedding Singer and Funny People. On the other far more prominent hand, an Adam Sadler is a smug, gurning bum-effluent of entrenched mediocrity, as seen in Click, Don’t Mess With The Zohan or Zookeeper. His next film appears to combine both of these in some kind of metaphorical clap: he looks sad and bedraggled, and then the high-concept Sandler-by-numbers nonsense sets in, one assumes, to precisely zero amusement. Still, you never know. It might be good. It’s called The Cobbler, but it still could be. I will be. It’s out in April.

It’s going to be absolute toilet isn’t it.

That soul-pop Big Applers Lion Babe like jumping high is what I’m taking from this. The video shows both Jillian Hervey (vocals/vast hair ownership) and Lucas Goodman (entirely redundant guitar duties) doing just that, before Childish Gambino AKA Donald Glover AKA Troy Barnes chimes in with a verse about briefly defying the Earth’s gravity to an appreciable degree. It’s not bad actually.

But man, those jumps. Check this out:

I call it The Non-Bald Eagle. Knees to chest. Arms out. Perm-do the size of the Helix Nebula. Accompanying “G-gaaww” sound optional. Difficulty rating: 3 unseen trampolines out of 5.

And THIS:

I call this one the Out Of My Cold Dead Hands. Lucas steadfastly refuses to put down his guitar despite the fact that a) it will surely hinder his leap and, more importantly, that b) there doesn’t actually appear to be any noticeable guitar on the track at all. Difficulty rating: 4 super-long guitar leads out of 5.

And finally, because I’m milking this now, DEEES:

I call this one the Good Pants Only Reverse Headscratcher. Pretty self-explanatory – try to scratch the back of your head with your foot but only do so if 100% confident in the quality, hygiene and, essentially, presence of one’s pants. Difficulty rating: 5 “What if you get hit by a bus?”s out of 5.

Got a bit of time to kill while you smash that butty? Then have a look at these:

An 8-minute trailer for Far Cry 4

It’s got violence, cars, scenery, and dirty great bears and leopards and wolves and stuff. It’s out on Tuesday. It looks ace.

An amazing 10,000-word Grantland piece about Japan

It takes in Sumo wrestling, failed coups and hari-kiri, and is a cracking read. But because there’s nothing to embed I put in a picture of Bodger and Badger. Yes.

Noel Gallagher saying things

He likes to chat does Noel, and here’s a Noisey interview in which he offers his reliably entertaining thoughts on Russell Brand, hangovers and the music industry as a whole.

A piece by Jesse Armstrong on The Rozzers

The Peep Show, Fresh Meat and Four Lions dude discusses the full series of Babylon and the role of the police in society. A picture of Babylon here would be sensible, but instead I’m going to go for a fight over a packet of chocolate HobNobs that occurred in Wimbledon Common.

With The Walking Dead being bleaker than watching the entire series of The Village inside Bleak House as Beaker from the Muppets takes a leak in the corner (seriously, I’m ill, these similes are only going to get worse as the day goes on), it’s good to see some funsies emerge from it.

Funny Or Die have excelled themselves with this, in which Steven Yeun (Glenn) decide he needs to find success in his parents’ home country of South Korea. How will he do it? FOODPORN

Love this. Toro Y Moi honcho Chaz Bundick has drafted Nate Salman to provide facenoises on the latest track from his sideproject, Les Sins. It’s like 4 minutes of bouncy summer cast like illuminative fairydust over our appalling grey lives.

The video’s also oddly entrancing, proving beyond doubt that the sight of two people dancing like happy little pillocks is just as hypnotic as staring into the eyes of Princess The Hypnodog.

Princess good. Good dog. I will bring it meats. Bow to Princess.

It’s not out for 5 months but the Avengers PR machine is already juddering like a slightly but noticeably imbalanced washing machine full of trainers (listen, I’m feeling a bit peaky today so all my similes are going be this rubbish. Deal).

It go BOOM. It go CRRAAASH. It go LOOK AT THEM ALL NOT GETTING ALONG AND BEING SAD. It looks great, obviously, but I just hope that by the time it finally comes out we’re all not sick to death of it. I call this “The Azealia Effect”, and it’s a real problem.

Anyway, here’s the trailer. Enjoy.

The really quite good Breach AKA Ben Westbeech decided he was going to do a natty remix of Kelis AKA Kelis’s Rumble. The latter went into the studio to record new vocals. The end product was deemed by both former and latter to be so far removed from the original work that it’s a new song. It’s called The Key. It’s good. Watch the video. Rawgh.

While we’re at it, here’s Kate Hutchinson interviewing Kelis for the Guide, and here - apropos of very little indeed – is Ben Westbeech telling us about his favourite telly. Do with this information what you will.

And welcome to this – your handy free resource of timewasting pop culture nonsense and procrastination ammunition. Let’s start proceedings with Jennifer Lawrence and Woody Harrelson’s very different, but equally funny, approaches to publicising Mockingjay Part 1.

Here’s JeLaw’s: taking over Letterman while being smashing

And here’s Woody’s: doing ‘things’ while being smashing

But which is best? There’s only one way to find OOOUUUUT...

A full and fair referendum. Because we’re not beasts.