“I can’t accumulate more stuff and more relationships. People say, ‘Just give me your number, I’ll give you a call’. Ha. No. I’ll never call you back and I won’t answer the phone either.”
Bill Murray, ladies and gentleman! Arguably, and Howard Stern argues it well, the funniest man on the planet and, by his own admission, one of the most difficult to pin down. This is partially why his surprise hour-long appearance this week on The Howard Stern Show (SiriusXM) was Down Tools, Event Radio. What did we learn? That Murray turned down Rain Man. And Forrest Gump. He might have turned down Philadelphia, too, but he can’t remember. He thinks Seinfeld was terrible. He’s certain Jim Jarmusch’s Broken Flowers – his straightest, unfunniest performance – was his best. That, according to Bill, the ability to tell stories is an ability to be funny. “You’re not born with it. I think you have to hear stories, and live stories, you have to have a bunch of experience.”
You have to, he says, be able to make someone laugh telling them what you did yesterday. And he does. Bill Murray is a joy to listen to, he is the original Dude. Quick, wry, inscrutable, deadpan, wise and funny – the ratio of smiles prompted per sentence is stupidly high here. “I do not like people complaining about being famous,” he says, when Stern squawks on about what it must be like to wander around and be adored, to be Bill Murray. “I say to people, Hey, you wanna be rich and famous? Try being rich first. And see if that doesn’t cover most of it.” Is he massively wealthy? Does he have a big house? Is he frugal? “I save. I don’t know if I’m frugal, I didn’t blow a lot of money early on and if you don’t immediately spend your first paycheque, it adds up.”
Stern’s technique, which is as subtle as salt in snow, is to pile in with big awkward clangers and hope that Murray melts and reveals some deep personal trauma.
So, on growing up with eight siblings, was it hard? It must have been tough. Did he crave attention from his parents? “Sure, I was the forgotten middle child,” says Murray, droll as you like. “Right!” comes back Stern. “That was a joke. There were six of us in the middle.”
Later, on Ghostbusters: “You wouldn’t have gotten that role if John Belushi hadn’t died. Did that bother you?”
“It bothered me more that John died,” says Murray.
“Right! But you were getting something great out if it!”
“I don’t think about that aspect. The sad thing is that John died.”Is he happy? Is he lonely? Does he question why he hasn’t found the great love of his life? There’s a tiny sigh at this point and the next moment is as honest as it is moving.
“I think about that. I do think about that. I’m not sure what I’m getting done here. I have kids, children I’m responsible for and I enjoy that very much. I don’t think I’m lonely. It’d be nice to go to some of these things and bring a date ... But there’s a lot that I’m not doing that I need to do first.”
